Explore Bloody Mary, Funny Things, and more!

Happiness is finding two olives in your Martini when you're hungry.

Pessimist: the glass is half empty. Optimist: the glass is half full Me: There is room to add vodka ! Totally me.

This is EXACTLY why Shawn & I get along...i have NO idea what he's saying and I keep agreeing!!

That's my life a lot of the time now that I live in Australia. All the Aussie accents are tough to understand at times.especially when they talk fast!

Dear God... All I ask is one chance to prove to you that winning the lottery won't make me a bad person... :D  haha

Free and Funny Reminders Ecard: It's true money can't buy happiness, but I'd cheer up much faster while sitting poolside in a loungechair outside of my oceanfront mansion.

Oh My Freaking Stars!: Laundry & Nudists

As I do more laundry, nudists seem less crazy -- the perfect sign for my laundry room.

Surprising Cleaning New Uses                                                                                                                                                     More

Surprising Cleaning New Uses

Today’s Housekeeping Tip: Keep strategically placed get well cards on your mantel… Too funny. and a great idea'

hahaha good plan

Just remember if we get caught, you’re deaf and I don’t speak English.

Do it all the time.  For the love of God, why?!

"turning down the music in your car when looking for a street sign because yout hink it will somehow make you see it better." Bahaha Did this yesterday .

There are a few people that I want to say this to.

K to T-"One day my patience will run out, and I will stab you. In the face. Very hard." Jaime-"I think you normally punch people in the face.

But we only have enough sauce for 5 of you. SO ME! I rock at cooking but hang it up with measuring pasta. Leftovers anyone?

Hahaha

Youre not drunk until you have to grab onto the grass to keep from falling off the earth funny quote - Collection Of Inspiring Quotes, Sayings, Images

Hehehee

An entire bottle of wine can fit in a Starbucks Trenta cup. This is clearly what the trenta cup was designed for.

I should really write this shit down...

yep, i should keep a pad and pen next to my bed so i can remember it in the morning

I do this all the time

Do this all the time when I was little because I just watch a scary movie. But now scary movies don't bother me. I think that they are funny as hell but still to this day. I Run up the stairs do no one will kill me

Ha Ha Ha....that is funny! I wouldn't have used that noun but funny non the less.

it doesn' t matter how old amerifa toddler hands you a toy phone, you brotips. com Brotip 1735 it doesn' t matter how old amerifa toddler hands you a toy phone brotips com

Lol this reminded me of you!!!!  You know those moments we get chocked on to say because we're laughing about it first =D

Story of my Life! I do this, seriously, all the time. The worst part is: when you actually do finish the story and no one else laughs.

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA...exactly what I think everytime I stick my leg out from underneath the blanket! Sad but true lol

Funny Quotes

Blanket on - Too hot. Blanket off - Too cold. One leg out - Perfect. Until the demon from Paranormal Activity grabs your leg and drags you through the hall.

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