this is not what love is supposed to look like. It's not supposed to feel like you're drowning and you're scared you won't be able to take another breathe again. Alone but given away. Here but not. Not smiling or crying, just, confusion and rocks that turn into boulders in your throat. Not walking or stitting, just standing and observing. Watching life go right for people but stay frozen for you. So cold yet so chokingly hot and uncomfortable. This is not love. If it is, it's killing me.
I thought I was in my forever home. I thought I had paid my dues. I thought I was finally in a sanctuary that would serve me until I left this body. I thought this. I thought that. The overthinking threw me into the assuming/expectation zone.